Easier and harder

The date has now been set for Hannah’s next surgery, which will be in mid August. To prepare we have more medical appointments booked and will find out in the next couple of weeks the plan for the operation and how long to expect Hannah’s recovery to be.

What has caught me off guard is how conflicted I feel about having a date to work towards. Not that it is a surprise – we’ve known since Hannah was 20 weeks old in utero that this progression of surgery would be needed to fix her heart, but for some reason I’ve been struggling to believe we’re heading back to Westmead again.

As I process it, I think things will be both easier and harder this time around.

Easier because we only have Hannah to focus on, instead of me recovering from giving birth and Gus having to look after us both.

Easier because we know the hospital now and can speak the ‘medical language’. We’re familiar with the place and know what ICU is like. We know to take forks with us to the parents hostel (so many knives but no forks!) and that Starbucks is the only place with real bacon on its panini’s (amongst other important things!).

Easier because we know her specialists better now and have confidence in them because of how well they’ve looked after Hannah in recent months.

Who's better at doing a pushup?
Who’s better at doing a pushup?

But I think our time in hospital this time around will be harder too.

Harder because we don’t have the same adrenalin and excitement of Hannah being brand new.

Harder because we’re caught between knowing last time went so smoothly but also recognising there are always big risks with open heart surgery.

But most of all harder because we know our little one so much better now. Now we know how much fun and special it is having her home. Amongst other things, we know the snuffling noises she makes when she’s asleep in her bassinet next to our bed, that she prefers bath time with daddy, the hilarious face she makes when she’s concentrating (let the reader understand…), and that Incy Wincy Spider is her favourite. Her personality is becoming clearer by the day.

But what hasn’t changed is our Heavenly Father and his faithfulness. He continues to be sovereign over our lives and Hannah’s. And so whatever happens this time around I can continue to find comfort and strength in him knowing he has things under control.

Hannah is so used to her regular oxygen checks (using a pulse oximeter) that she slept through the last one!
Hannah is so used to her regular oxygen checks (using a pulse oximeter) that she slept through the last one!

Please give thanks for…

  • Hannah’s continued growth and development
  • The joy she brings to our lives
  • A decision about when Hannah’s next surgery will happen

Please pray for…

  • Good health for Hannah so that she is able to undergo the operation as planned
  • That we wouldn’t feel anxious but would trust God and his will

God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble. – Psalm 46:1