It’s no secret that I like things to be organised and planned. You just have to take one look at the neat rows of bottles in our pantry with their labels facing forward or the large folder I used to plan our wedding to realise that. The two  professions I’ve had so far – accounting and teaching, also lend themselves to being methodical and prepared.

So when we found out I was pregnant my planning instincts went into overdrive. I’ve read all the Choice articles on which pram / cot / car seat / baby bath / reusable nappies to buy, have a folder with neatly arranged tabs to keep every important document safe, and rang 5 or 6 obstetricians before we settled on one.

But at the 19 week mark, sitting in a dark room at the hospital, all of my planning and organisation went out the window.

The fetal cardiac specialist we’d been referred to by the ultrasound specialist drew a picture of what a normal baby’s heart looks like, and then what our baby’s heart looks like.

And the two diagrams looked quite different.

She spoke about the seriousness of the heart condition the baby has, the numerous operations and care it would need and it’s long term prognosis. And then she asked if we would like to terminate the pregnancy or not.

Why has this happened to us? What will the next few months and years look like? How are we going to cope watching our baby in NICU, in pain, preparing for and recovering from surgery? Will our child be able to play and run around like other children? Will I get to watch him or her rumble in the backyard with Gus?

There’s 6 weeks till the baby is due and so I’ve decided to use this blog to share updates with friends and family once he or she arrives. As we think though all these questions, I also want to share how we are working through receiving this unexpected news, in particular as Christians who believe God is loving, compassionate, and in control of all things.

I hope that you’ll find it interesting, encouraging and helpful.